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The Walking Dead Wiki: The Musical!/Scene 9
(Sam is shown walking down an alleyway. He sees a young couple making out against a fence). Narrator Riley: Out on the streets, Sam is up to no good. Sam: You two, show yourselves. (The shocked figures turn, it's Phazon and Zora). Phazon: Fuck off Sam, WINcest is going on here, we're busy. Sam: Ew. How uncouth. Fortunately, this won't be going on for much longer. Zora: What the hell are you talking ab- (Sam pulls out a gun and shoots Zora in the face, before doing the same to Phazon). Sam: Wow. Crime feels good... ----- (Kenny, Bloxx, Doge, Lav and Derk are walking towards the town. They pass The Friendly Beth, but it is deserted and destroyed). Bloxx: No! My friends...what happened here?! (Bloxx begins to cry, causing Lav to hug him). Kenny: I sense that some escaped, while some didn't. I'm sorry, Bloxx. (Bloxx wipes away his tears, breaking free from Lav's hug). Bloxx: Collin will fucking pay for this. Kenny: He will baby, he will. Bloxx: Hold me... (Lav moves forward to hug Bloxx but then realises that he's talking to Kenny. Kenny and Bloxx make out, while Lav lingers in the background). Song:' On My Own' Bloxx: What was that Lav? I was too busy kissing Kenny's sexy face to listen. Lav: It was nothing... Random Voice: Well, we heard it... Bloxx: Fuck, it's Collin's goons. (Twenty goons appear from inside the abandoned inn). Goon A: That's right bitches. We're the best of the best. The AASACA. Kenny: What? Goon B: The Almost As Sexy As Chandler Army. Bloxx: Collin is such a pedophile. Goon A: That doesn't even matter, what matters is, you're coming with us. Kenny: Fuck you, assholes. Bloxx: Guys, we're outnumbered, we have no choice. Lav: Derk, hammer time. (Derk tries to smash Goon A, but his attack his blocked by the Goon's sword. The Goon grabs the hammer and prepares to kill Derk, but something flies past and pulls it from his grip). Goon A: What the fuck?! (Everyone looks up to see that the sky has gone dark. A cloud, not of water vapour but of flying monkeys, is above them. Katie, Juan and Perry are riding the three monkeys at the front). Katie: Naruto! Go with Plan B! (Naruto the flying monkey, who has stolen the hammer, flies it up to the cloud and hands it to Perry). Bloxx: Oh my god, you're alive! Katie: Damn straight bitch. (she winks) Perry, hit 'em. (Perry jumps down from her monkey and lands on one of the Goons. She smashes his head with the hammer while giggling). Perry: This is so so so so so so so so fun! (Perry, moving at the speed of light, kills every last Goon). Katie: This is what happens if you give a hyperactive kid sugar. Perry: SUGARSUGARSUGARSUGARSUGARSUGARSUAGR Katie: So, do you fgts want a lift? ----- (Cam is walking through the woods, a look of rage on his face. He can hear people in the distance, and he follows the noise). Narrator Riley: Still grief-stricken from losing Ghost, Cam seeks vengeance against Collin. (Cam approaches a clearing, where he sees Anarchy taunting a tied up Masta). Cam: Get away from him... Anarchy: What the- oh, hello Cameron. So nice of you to join us. Cam: Let. Him. Go. Anarchy: Why would I do that?! Cam: Because I'll rip your throat out if you don't... Anarchy: That isn't gonna happen. (Anarchy's socks appear out of nowhere and surround Cam). Cam: You really think that you can stop Cameron the Barbarian?! (Cam lunges at WeedJesus, ripping him in half with his bare hands. He then smashes SonOfAnarchyUK's face in with WeedJesus's severed torso. It only takes him another ten seconds to kill every sock). Cam: See...'' (he pants)'' Anarchy:'' (sniggering)'' Yeah, I do see, but now you're tired, and I can keep on duplicating. You aren't a sorcerer any more, fighting can tire you out. (Anarchy raises his hands and summons another army of socks). Anarchy: Goodbye Cameron. (Anarchy slashes Cam's throat and then walks to his wagon). Anarchy: Oh and by the way Cam, Masta here will fetch a good price from Collin. Isn't that right Relic? (Relic appears from behind a wagon). Relic: Indeed. ----- (Sam is in his bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. He smirks cunningly). Narrator Riley: In town, Sam's plan is all coming together... Song: I Just Can't Wait to be King ----- (Anarchy's train of wagons is advancing towards Collin's lair). Narrator Riley: Anarchy's train will soon be at the lair. Is there any way that Masta will be saved? Anarchy: I can't wait...we're gonna be so fucking rich Relic: And Collin will allow me to skip Chandler lapdance duty for a week! (Anarchy spots something ahead in the road. It's a man). Anarchy: Who is that ahead?! (The figure becomes clearer as they advance). Anarchy: No...it-it can't be...you're dead. (Cam, wearing a sexy white robe, raises his staff). Cam: YoungAnarchy! YOU SHALL NOT PASS! (The wagons fly into the air. Cam advances and magically lifts a struggling Anarchy into the air). Anarchy: You died...I killed you... Cam: You killed Cameron the Barbarian, and the thugs at The Friendly Beth caused the death of Camdalf the Grey. Unfortunately for you, I am greater than these...I am... Anarchy: OH FUCK. Cam: CAMDALF THE WHITE! (Cam blasts Anarchy with a magic fire, burning him to ashes. With Anarchy gone, all of the socks turn to dust). Cam: I'm coming to save you Masta. (Cam unties Masta and removes his gag). Masta: Whew, that's better. Cam: I'm glad you're safe, I couldn't lose someone else. Masta: What the fuck do you mean Cam? Cam: I-I lost Ghost...back at The Friendly Beth... Masta: Shit... Cam: How did you escape from Collin anyway? Masta: Vince freed Kaley and I, but he couldn't help Grave. Cam: Grave's dead? Masta: Yeah... (he sobs) Cam: Bloody hell...wait, how did you end up out here alone? Masta: Kaley sent me away in order to protect me from the bloodshed that is coming. Vince is planning a revolution. Cam: Stirring shit again, I see. Masta: Yep, and I wasn't even protected by leaving. As soon as I left, I was captured by Anarchy and Re- wait, where's Relic? (They turn to see Relic peeking out from inside an upturned wagon. Upon being noticed, he freezes in shock). Cam: Leave him. We might invoke further wrath from Collin if we do otherwise. I'm not longer a barbarian Masta, rational thought has once again reached me. Masta: No Cam, he's mine. Collin's little lapdog had no power over me. (Masta runs at Relic and knocks him to the ground). Masta: Hello lapdog... Relic: P-pl-please don't hurt me. Masta: (laughing) And what a cowardly doggie you are. Well, I think it's time that this puppy learned to #Heel. (Masta grabs Relic's head and twists it, snapping his neck). Masta: Don't mess with perfection, bitch. ----- (Sam walks out of the shadows in Collin's evil lair, holding a handgun. Shell and Drummer look at him in shock, Drummer hiding his still-erect penis with a magazine). Narrator Riley: And so it begins... Collin: Sam, what the fuck are you doing here? Sam: Claiming my right. Collin: What right? Under my rule, you have no rights, and this revolution won't change that. Sam: You won't even live to see the revolution. (Sam shoots Collin in the head, and when Drummer tries to run, he is also shot. With a proud grin, Sam approaches the radio booth). Sam: (into the microphone) Attention all citizens, the wiki is now under the control of Samuel T Buckley, or as I wish to be known from now on The''Sam Buckley. ''(He walks towards the throne, now his own, but stops instead of sitting on it. He bends down to Drummer's corpse, pulls down the dead man's shorts; and slices off his massive, hard-as-rock boner). Sam: This should make a good weapon. ----- END OF ACT TWO